Ester-A woman who denied her fears

10 Feb 2009 Leave a Comment

by perrkk in Personal Reading Responses Tags: , , ,

the instant when Ester threw all her fears aside and went to the king, uncalled
‘[Mordecai] sent back this answer: “Do you think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?”’

‘Then Ester sent this reply to Mordecai: “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”’ Ester 4:13-16 (fast foward to the 8 minute mark)
Wow. I think this is one of the heaviest verses in the Bible. Here, Ester is in an amazing position to save her people from the edict that King Xerxes has sent out on all of the Jews, thanks to the vile corruption and hatred of his right hand man, Haman.
First off, I find it odd that even though Ester lives in the palace and is queen, she is not told of what is going on politically at all. Mordecai is the one who tells her via a messenger of what the king has decreed, even though he cannot even enter the king’s gates. I’m not sure if this was just simply how women were treated back then or what, but Ester obviously had no knowledge of the king’s work. Also, I noticed that she very rarely was even allowed to see the king, for she told Mordecai that she had not seen him for 30 days, and that he had not called upon her to see her in the inner court. That’s what her fear was all about in the end- she feared going to him uncalled because for that, the king had one punishment: death. I never realized the reality of such a fear as this because it is so far fetched from our culture today in the US, but the fear was brought to reality when I saw the movie made about Ester, One Night with the King.
Mordecai encouraged her by telling her the truth about god’s ways. He never had any doubt about God’s faithfulness to the Jewish people, for he told her that even if she did not stand up for God, relief would come from somewhere, but why would God have put her in this position of power in the first place? Perhaps He was in control all along, and even though she had been torn away from her quiet life, God had plans for her in this way so that she could save her people. Therefore, if she remained silent now, she would be betraying her God. That puts everything into a new light.
Then Ester’s final response is so strong and a tetch scary. You know she struggled with fear by her hesitation about the whole situation, but then she looks that fear in the eye and says that she cares more for her people and her God than her own physical life. It is the most encouraging and brilliant act I have seen, short of Jesus’ own sacrifice. She says it simply and absolutely: “…if I perish, then I perish”.
Nothing else mattered to her anymore. She knew what God wanted her to do, and she knew that if she didn’t do so because of her fears, then evil would have won her over, and she would be without her God. Fear is often my own biggest enemy. Often, it is simply fear of the enemy, but Ester teaches me hear that fear doesn’t matter. Death doesn’t matter. Pain or loss of anything in this life on earth doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is Him; pleasing Him; obeying Him; being with Him.
I’ve felt before what it feel to not be with God, and let me just say that it is misery. I was empty and had not purpose. I kept becoming distracted by things that had never distracted me before and left me feeling shameful. I was starving and dead, but I had know idea just how close I was to complete spiritual death until I was a least relieved and saw the extent to which I had strayed.
I guess what I’m saying is that I can relate to Ester’s fear. I don’t know what all was going through her head and heart at that point in her life. I don’t know what exactly it was that caused her to turn from her fears and towards her Lord, but if it was me, I would have taken a long look at my strong, horrible memories of misery without God, and it would be impossible for me to choose differently from what Ester chose because it would be better to die a thousand deaths than to be without Him for one day. I know that much is true.
One last thing that ester spoke of that I actually have very little experience in, but believe in is fasting. I know that God moves through people when then turn aside from everything earthly, even food and drink, which our bodies need physically for sustenance, and instead look to Him for EVERYTHING. That is the meaning of the fast, as it is written throughout the Bible, but what about this particular fast, I thought it interesting that Ester asked Mordecai to “fast for her”.
I had never thought of fasting for someone else, I guess it would be similar to praying for someone else, except you are giving up all distractions to fervently pray, relying on Him for even your physical needs, and thus listening more intently than usual. It seems to me like a “super prayer”. I’ve never super prayed for anyone, and this is a new idea to me in the area of fellowshship.

 

One Day

27 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment

by perrkk in Personal Reading Responses, Writings

“One Day”

Through the song and the laughter, there’s a message that’s stronger than words.
It has no sound but it encompasses my heart.
It captured me before I knew it was there and now it is all that my mind can comprehend.
There’s no one reason why it should be him
His eyes don’t glance my way they way I’d long for.
His smile is joyful, yet not for my presence.
Still, his heart is so light and strong he can’t help but be drawn into mine.
Every song sung sings to my soul. Every note makes me weep.
The light is blinding through his eyes. I long to show how it burns in my heart too.
Yet how could I compete? Beauty doesn’t grace me. The only hope I have is my beloved.
If he saw my heart first, then maybe…
But as Solomon said, that’s not what draws men’s eyes.
So I am left with what? In anxiety, waiting, hoping against hope.
Lord, my God! I can only cling to you.
There is nothing else left. I know you will take me to him.
One day.
– Kaylee Perry

When you Dance with Me

27 Jan 2009 Leave a Comment

by perrkk in Personal Reading Responses, Writings

“When you dance with me”

The room is empty, no one to see.
I think of you and you’re here with me.
 My hand is lifted.
The floor is cleared.
Though there’s no music that anyone else can hear.

You take me in your arms.
They’re firm and I melt.
You lead me and I can’t help
but follow.

You make me float, and I’m finally alive.
You dance with me, and I’m free.
You capture me, and I’m completely yours.
You dance with me and I know I can soar.

Others may look on and think it strange.
They can’t see you, but I know who you are.
They can’t see you dancing.

I’m enlightened by your grace,
Touched by your beauty,
Burning with desire to see your face.
You know me more than I know myself.
You lift me high and I cry
and laugh all at once.

Awed by your love, gripped by your passion,
Compelled to do nothing but dance.
I dance for you.

When all is lost, and I’m alone with my fears,
They say I have no hope, and then come the tears.
That’s when I feel it- lighter than a feather against my skin.
Your breath, your hand,
You invite me to dance.

Who am I to be your partner?
I don’t know the steps or any of the cues.
 I stumble and fall,
But you gracefully catch me.
You make me beautiful.
Who am I that you’d make me your own?
You hold me tight,
And I know that I’m home.

Hand in hand,
heart in heart,
step in step,
you go. I go.
That’s when I hear your voice,
Sweet and gentle like loving water,
“Look, my beloved, we’re dancing!”

–Kaylee Perry

Ester- the woman I never knew

24 Jan 2009 1 Comment

by perrkk in Personal Reading Responses

My Bible study is starting the book of Ester. This is one of those Bible stories that we seemed to have read over and over in Sunday school, but the story never left a trace of personal meaning; it was fine admirable story, but that’s just it- it was just a story to me. I never made the connection that it was actually history. I have only recently read the first two chapters, but it was enough to make some realizations that I had never seen before. In case you don’t know, Ester is a story set in the northern Nile region of Africa back in the days of Babylon. In a range from drinking too much at a party, the King Xerxes got angry at the Queen Vashti because she would not come to him when he called for her so that he could show her off to his friends. No one ever said “no” to the king if they wanted to live; she must have been a feminist of her time and an incredibly strong woman to stand up to a drunken king. In his anger, he threw her out of the city. He then made plans to have every beautiful woman in the kingdom to come to his palace so that he could choose one for his new Queen. Ester, whose given name was Habasah, lived with her cousin, Mordecai whom had raised her as his own daughter. She was Jewish, but made a promise to Mordecai not to reveal that information to anyone because they lived in a Gentile country and were oppressed. She was chosen to go to the palace, and though she did nothing extra to try to impress the king, he was most attracted to her, “so he set a royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti” (Ester 2:17). I never before had stopped to think what all of these events must have meant to Ester. She was living quieting with her friends and family, and all because of one drunken incident, everything in her life changed and she was forced into a life at court. Any dreams or plans she once had for her future, who she might marry, her freedom were all taken away from her, and by a Gentile no less. I tried to imagine how that would be like, and I know I would have been angry (most likely at God). But Ester never blamed God. She wasn’t happy, but she was never angry at God. She had a fail that I can’t quite fathom, and I never truly understood before how beautiful an image she was of the Godly woman.

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